Achieving New Year’s Resolutions are easy if you know the secret.

Not everyone sets New Year’s resolutions. And even if you did, by now, you have probably given up on them.  I think it is because after setting so many of them and not achieving them, they come to the conclusion that: 1.     They cannot achieve them – it’s impossible 2.     They really don’t want to achieve them – it would be nice but the pain of achieving them far outstrips the pleasure of having the success 3.     It takes too much energy 4.     They are too busy with other things after the first of the year 5.     They set too many of them and get lost and confused about what they should tackle first and give up on all of them This article addresses two aspects of achieving New Year’s resolutions: 1.     How to set them so that you’ll achieve them 2.     What to do when you cannot seem to get motivated to even set them or make a change. Part 1: The New Year is a traditional time to set goals and make changes.   Many of those changes involve stopping habits or starting habits or changing them.  For example: 1.     Start an exercise program; increase exercise 2.     Eat healthy food: involves usually stopping eating high fat, low nutrition food, start eating low fat nutritional foods 3.     Be a better parent 4.     Lose weight – slim down 5.     Spend more time with family 6.     Take more time off 7.     Work more 8.     Smile more; laugh more 9.     And a myriad of other ideas that are gone by February Let’s explore the nature of resolutions versus goals.  Goals are measureable and time specific.  They are tangible.  Often resolutions have tangible results but are not specified and therefore, are not connected to anything tangible or of value.  It is easy to set goals: 1.     Make $250,000 by Dec. 2013 2.     Take a vacation to France for July vacation 3.     Learn to fly a plane and have logged _____flight hours by June 2013 4.     Add 20 new customers by August 2013 while maintaining present customer base.  Or have a customer base of 350 customers by May 2013. Understanding the difference between goals and resolutions will help you be more successful at both.  Consider the difference between a resolution passed by Congress and a bill signed into law.  A resolution is often a statement of opinion or expression of public policy.  It is not a law.  A law is something that must be followed.  This is what happens with our own personal resolutions.  They become a matter of ‘this would be nice’ rather than a goal which is ‘what I am going to achieve.’  So we put more thought into a goal and set resolutions, which you might as well start with “In my opinion….. I want to lose weight.  Understand the difference? Part 2: Here is a way to make those resolutions goals and very achievable. 1.      Decide what your year theme is going to be.  i.e. self improvement, save money, pay off debt, physical health improvement, housing improvement, job improvement 2.      Then set goals: a.      Specifically what do you want, how much, how often, etc.? b.      What will it do for you? – attach it to a value – peace, security, recognition, health, love, wisdom, spiritual connection c.      What will it be like when you get it – see, hear, and feel? d.      What are the downsides to having it? e.      What will you gain? f.       Is it worthwhile and ok if I get it; Do I deserve it? g.      What do I have and need that will help me get it? h.      What are three action steps I will take to get it? 3.      Now set resolutions – set two or three – no more – and have them coincide with your year theme. 4.      Repeat the steps for goals. When you set resolutions, use the same process as goals setting – make sure that it is something you REALLY want, will commit to, connected to something you value, and demonstrated in see, hear, feel.  People fail to realize that resolutions are experiences.  In other words, you want a particular experience in your life – more love, better communication, be healthier.  These are not always measurable by standard means.  Therefore, use the Achievable Outcome process, which is excellent for both goals and experience.  For example: Here is how you might answer the questions from above: I want to have and set better boundaries this year.  (This is too vague) I will be happier and more peaceful when I do this I will see myself smile when I say ‘no’ to something I do not want to do, or I will act clear and decisively, take responsibility for my own feelings……etc.   I will hear myself say, “Yes!  I was clear and was understood.”  I feel good about myself and safe. The downside is that I may lose a friend or upset someone The upside is that I will feel confident and free and get more of what I want in life It is worthwhile for my mental and emotional health I have the ability to say no.  I need help getting the guts to say it.  I need confidence in myself What I will do is: a.    Read a book on boundaries b.    Take a class or work with a professional on boundaries c.      I will talk to a person I have problems with to help them understand the changes I am wanting to make Now the mind, your great manifestation tool, has specifics it can work with.  DETAILS are the difference between success and failure in any endeavor. Setting resolutions and achieving them are as easy setting goals.  Use the above set of questions for both.  Set a few or one resolution(s) that you can COMMIT to.  Have a great year!

I can still hear Mick Jagger singing this.  Time is something many people seem to need more of even though everyone has the same amount of time.  What is different about individuals who seem to have enough time to accomplish things and those who are struggle with getting things done in the allotted time?  There is a difference. Some would say that some people are more organized and they get more done.  Organization does help.   However what makes a person more organized?  Or how does a person manage to take twice as long as another person to do the same thing?  When people call me and say I want to take a ‘Time Management’ class (there is no such thing), I wonder if they really know what they are asking for.

First, People do not manage time.  From the start, people who want to be better time managers are already asking for the impossible, which is why they never seem to accomplish time management.  Consider the expression: Time got away from me (as if Time was on a leash and managed to break free).  Time doesn’t get away from people.  People plan to do too much in too little time.  They don’t know how long something takes or make an error in estimating how long something will take.  So if your idea is to manage Time, you are already on the losing side of the proposition. Time cannot be managed.  Time just IS.  Time is a concept; it doesn’t really exist.

Second, Time shifts (or gets distorted) depending on your focus and concentration.  Were you ever so engrossed in something that time that time flew by?  Consider that phrase: Time flew by (as if Time were a bird).  Time does not have wings. Although I’ve seen pictures of a clock with wings, a metaphor for the phrase, time flies.   Or consider: I lost track of time (as if Time were something you could focus on continually and watch like a child on the play ground).  Or what about when you were bored, time goes by so slowly?  Time stands still.

All of the above linguistic metaphors assign characteristics to Time that do not exist.  Remember Time is a concept.  So Time cannot be managed, fly, stand still, get off track.  So managing Time is an oxymoron.  This is why people have such a hard time managing it.

So what are we left with?  Of course, what to do in Time.  How can I manage the activities in the Time allotted?  Here are some concepts in NLP to help understand Time.

Our minds organize Time in certain ways.  Imagine that all of your experiences in your life is lined up end to end in a ‘TimeLine’.                                              

Now, how much space is between each experience?  Is there a lot of space or a little?

                                                                                                                 Or  How do you think organizing your experiences each way affects your ability to accomplish things?

If your mind organizes experiences with spaces between do you think it will take more time to do something or less?  Remember, everyone has the same amount of Time.

Consider your position on the TimeLine.  Where is your past and where is your future?  Does your TimeLIne run through you from front to back with your future in front of you and your past behind you?  That is called In Time.  Or are you off the TimeLine and see your past present and future sweep from left to right so you can see all of your TimeLine.  This is called Through Time.

Which do you think is better for getting things finished in a specified amount of time?  In Time tends to be more event driven with Time in-between where nothing is happening. Very good when you have a list of things to do.  Through Time tends to be process driven.  See the whole process through time.  Very good when you are learning something or building something.  People who want to lose weight.  Will they be more successful being In Time or Through Time?  Through Time because losing weight is a Through Time process.  It is not an event.  When people are event driven in weight loss, they tend to get discouraged everyday they don’t lose a pound or eat the improper diet and they quit before they accomplish their goal.  People who are mainly Through Time tend not be as conscientious about keeping precise Time. They may be late to things. They think they have all the Time in the World.  When you are In Time, you tend to be more punctual.  There are times when we want to be In Time and times when we want to be Through Time.

Consider the phrase: No Time, as in I’ll be in and out in No Time.  This is the language that my trainer used when your partner asked her how long it would take to go the bank.  When in fact, the trip to the bank took 1 hour.  Do you think she was able to accomplish things on Time?

Another structural issue is how your mind stores information in certain contexts.  In contexts that you are very organized, experiences (pictures) are usually stored sequentially so you can look at them one at a time.   When things are chaotic, the experiences are stored simultaneously like in a collage.  You cannot focus on anyone thing and tend to get confused.

The final concept to consider is whether you tend to follow procedures or do you enjoy generating options and possibilities.  If the procedure is effective and energy saving, following it can get a lot of things finished.  If the procedure is inadequate, then it will take more time than you need to take and you may not realize that the procedure is not working.  The whole focus is finishing the procedure, not the results of the procedure.  Option generators tend to bounce from one thing to another without finishing things.  Making a list is like following a procedure.  If you don’t like following procedures, then you probably don’t exercise, follow a diet plan, make consistent money, or get things done.  And the list ends up underneath the seat of your car.

So how can you be better managers of activities? 

1.       Make sure that what you are wanting to accomplish is achievable in the Time allotted.  This means you will have to have a good estimate of how long something will take.  If it is the first time you’ve done something, ask a variety of people who have and get an estimate.

2.       Make sure that your task is connected to your values and over all achievements.  In other words, ask yourself, what will doing this do for me or get me?  What is important to me about doing this?  What will it get me long term or through time.  Is it worthwhile? Goals that are connected to higher criteria or values tend to get priority.

3.       Prioritize the importance of something.  Separate items into “critical function’ and ‘like to accomplish.’  This will help you naturally help you prioritize.  When I worked at Mobil, I had three boxes in front of me on my desk.  ‘A’ box where things I had to get finished because my job depended on it or there was a deadline attached to it.  This is where I have to be In Time.   ‘B’ box was ‘get to later’ because they weren’t critical, like reorganizing a file cabinet.  This is more Through Time.   I could do this a little at a time until it was finished.  ‘C’ box was ‘hold and eventually throw out.’  I went on vacation 4 times a year and before I closed my office door I would take everything in the ‘C’ box and toss in the waste basket.  Nothing was ever said about items in that box.  Most of the items were time wasters and not critical to the function of my department or anyone in it.

4.       Take a critical look on priority list.  Is it critical that everything be finished right now?  In other words, what do you absolutely need to do in the allotted time?  This is where prioritizing becomes critical.  Ever have a list of ‘must dos’ before going on vacation?  I do.  I catch myself having to think, ‘ I could do this and get this finished and take these clothes to be donated.’  When in fact, with the time allotted there are much more pressing matters that HAVE to be taken care of, like calling the dog sitter, watering plants (although in a pinch, I could get the dog sitter to do it).  Consciously considering each item helps you determine what  is CRITICAL for a successful operation and what is ‘like to do’.   What happens to people with more things to do than Time allotted is that they are using ‘lateral criteria’.  In other words, all of the tasks  carry the same weight.  When, in fact,  some things are more urgent than others.

5.       Determine how long it will take to do each item.  And be realistic.  Take into consideration traffic conditions and time of day if they are errands.  What can be done online?  Or calls you can make?  In NLP we call this CHUNKING.  To have a good organization strategy, you must be able to CHUNK appropriately.  Chunk a large job into smaller pieces or chunks and possible done at separate times. 

6.       Set boundaries with people.  if you have a goal then do not let others take time away from you with inappropriate priorities. Tell them you’ll get back with them later when your list isn’t as long.  Don’t answer the phone if you do not have time to deal with what it potentially might take.  For instance, answering the phone as you are leaving the office and you are going to be late.  That is what we have voice mail for.  Unless you are on call as a doctor or some other critical function (computer after hours tech), the phone call can wait. 

7.       Focus on one thing at a time.  Make yourself do it. And finish it before going on to the next thing.  I had a boss who wouldn’t let her assistant have anything on her desk except for what she was working on right now.  This kept distractions to the minimum.  In my practice I find many people get distracted by things that aren’t relevant and think they have to do more than they need to.  Being present is a key element in getting things accomplished..

8.       Use language, such as ‘I have plenty of time.’  As opposed to ‘I’m running out of time’ or ‘I don’t have enough time.’  Remember that Time is not a commodity; it is a concept.

9.       We  have these words that we used to motivate us.  in NLP they are called Modal Operators or Operating Modes.  Operating Modes are words such as NEED, HAVE TO, WANT TO ,OUGHT TO,  SHOULD, WOULD, And COULD.  They are attached to our motivation strategies.  Consider things that you do WITHOUT QUESTION.  Do you do them because you NEED TO, WANT TO, HAVE TO, SHOULD?  These words are critical in triggering action.  Now consider something you want to do but cannot motivate yourself to do it?  What do you tell yourself?  NEED TO, HAVE TO, SHOULD, etc.?  Generally you’ll find that the OPERATING MODE you use is different.  Your mind has the deep unconscious perception of what is critical and what is not.  There are a number of ways to get around this.

a.       Change your word to the word that you use for critical items.  If you do things out of need, then make what you want to do or should do a need to do.

b.      Shelve it until the time is right and it seems like accomplishing it is more appropriate. 

c.       Get it off your list and let go of it. It is like cleaning out your garage or closet.  It is just clutter in your mind and interferes with getting things done that are critical.  It can also make it seems like you are not getting what you want.

(NOTE: Be aware that rather ignorant but good intentioned people will tell you never use the words, NEED TO or SHOULD or HAVE TO, etc.  We are not talking about emotional content when referring to OPERATING MODES.   We are talking about structure and strategy.  It is the difference between comparing the wall color of paint and the 2x4’s that hold up the wall.  One is subjective; the other is objective.  I am talking about the structural use of these words as part of how we motivate ourselves and prioritize tasks.)

10.   Be procedural not options.  Everyone does procedures.  They are called routines. Develop a routine for organizing and prioritizing items on a list.  See no. 11 for procedure.

11.   Make a list on paper.  Unless you are trained in how to use memory pegs, you probably won’t remember everything on the list or have so many pictures flashing at you from inside your head trying to remember everything that you get panicky.  Make the written list. Check it often.  Cross things off.

So, here is the Cliff Notes version:

1. Time is a concept.  You cannot manage it.
2. You can learn to effectively organized activities in time by
1. Chunk in realistic chunks
2. Prioritize and remove things that aren’t critical to the function of the operation.
3. Make lists; Develop and follow procedures.
4. Know realistically how much time each item takes.
5. Set boundaries
6. Focus and be in the present; eliminate distractions.
7. Use appropriate language to move you toward your goals.
8. Be In Time or Through Time – event or process driven depending on the goal(s).
9. Get rid of and let go of the things that you honestly are not going to do because they are not a priority, not realistic, or you cannot afford.

Time management is one of the most over-used, least understood concepts.  It is not that we don’t manage time correctly.  It is how we manage activity in time.  And that has a lot to do with how we perceive time internally and how we structure time internally.  Our ability to focus, whether we are options or procedures, in time or through time (process or event driven),  what criteria we are applying to the task, the language we use around time in addition to whether we set goals which are achievable, ecological and appropriately ‘chunked’ (realistic).

Want to know more about running your own brain so you can be more confidence, productive, effective, creative, better with people, make great money and more in control of your world?  Classes start up in January, 2013.  Knowledge is power.

Did you know that the amount of money you make and keep is directly related to your thinking PATTERNS?  Not only will NLP help you become aware of those patterns but actually help you change them in very effective ways!

 

 

 

 

Seven Keys to Detecting Deception

 

Stan Walters will be coming to Dallas on Oct. 26-28 to teach how to detect deception and lying.

$994 Billion dollars a year — that’s what deception and fraud costs American businesses every year.  Everyone lies.  Those lies cost us money, relationships, happiness, time.  Bernie Madoff aside, we are bombarded with people deceiving us and we do not even know it because we do not have the skills to discern a few simple cues. 

According to Stan Walters there are seven keys to detecting lies in people:

1.    Constant: before you can identify any deception you must identify a person’s constant or normal behavior.  A person who lies is deviating or shifting from his/her normal constant when being deceptive.  The more familiar you are with a person’s regular communication the easier it is to interpret deception.  When making a determination about a public figure use interviews and avoids scripted or staged events such as commercials, political ads, speeches, or infomercials.

2.    Change: look for a new behavior or change in the person’s constant OR an existing behavior that stops or changes significantly.  The change is caused by stress associated with the deception.  Three ways a person will change: a new behavior not previously seen, an existing behavior will stop or the existing behavior has a significant change. Watch for timely changes in verbal or nonverbal behavior

3.    Clusters: a cluster of behaviors is more significant than a single, random behavior.  Human communication is a very complex array of verbal and nonverbal behavior each of which is responding to internal and external stimuli.  We cannot apply a single gesture to all people.  Multiple symptoms occurring at one moment when discussing a single issue can indicate a possibility of deception.

4.    Consistency: a consistent reaction to a specific issue can be a significant indicator of a lie.  For a period of time the subject keeps reacting to the same hot topic or issue.  You are not looking for the same changes every time.  Just that there are changes every time and that they arise in clusters.  When someone is evasive every time a subject comes up is an example.

5.    Preconceptions: Approach conversations with an open mind.  Observations or misconceptions based on preconceptions are not reliable.  Put aside preconceptions to be the best truth detector.  If you don’t, all you will see are the symptoms you are expecting to confirm what you already thought.

6.    Contamination: you are a stimulus and some of your behaviors can affect the behaviors and reactions of another person in a way that contaminates the accuracy of your observations.  In other words, your behavior has an impact on the situation you are observing.  What vibes are you giving off?  Remember, the other person is paying just as much attention to reading you as you are them.

7.    Cross-checking: before drawing any conclusions, it is necessary to review your observations and cross-check the data.  You cannot rely on ‘feelings’ to accurately determine deception.  Reviewing each step in your analysis is key to identifying dishonesty in people.

Do You Know When Someone is Deceiving you?

Every day we hear of someone being taken for money on some scheme or fraud.  How many marriages come apart over infidelity?  Every time I hear of that one I think, were they asleep?  How could a person not know their partner is having sex with someone else?  There are many myths surrounding lying.  I wrote about this in 2009.  (See the blogs on my website, The Lies about Lying.)  I recently took a class about detecting deception and interrogation designed for police officers and insurance fraud case workers.  It was eye opening!  Below are some things I learned.  By the way, Stan Walters is working on a program for business people and I’m bringing him to Dallas in the near future.  You will want to be there!  No NLP experience needed and it works hand in hand with NLP skills. Why do people lie? In Psychology Today, one article lists these 4 reasons: 1.     Reinforcement. The seeds of lying are planted and mature while people are in school. Desperate due to procrastination, heavy course loads, the need to work, students make a tiny foray into the world of the excuse-maker and liar. They aren't called on their "family emergency" by their instructor, so the next time they become more bold. Getting away with the excuse or lie strengthens their inclination to lie the next time. 2.     Memory distortions. The second reason is that lies and excuses build on each other and create their own reality. People who lie about their past tell one little story that doesn't seem "so bad." The next time, having told that story, it becomes part of their long-term memory. What psychologists call source memory, or our recall for where something happened to us, can be faulty, and we forget that we told that tiny fib. The fib becomes part of our long-term memory. We are also vulnerable to the planting of false memories. If I read a string of words to you such as "cake, candy, honey, sugar," and later ask you if the word "sweet" was in the list, the chances are good that you'll think it was. The sweet words in the list conjure up the category label and now it becomes part of your neural network. According to the cognitive explanation, then, lies and excuses build on each other and create their own supposed truthful memories. 3.     Protection of positive sense of identity. This less rational view our sense of self, or identity. People want to believe that they are ethical, honest, and morally upstanding. They will go through all sorts of mental shenanigans to maintain this view, even when their behavior is in direct conflict with "reality." Rather than admit that they lied, cheated, or worse, they twist the facts around so that, in their minds, they didn't. It's not consistent with your identity as an honest person to admit that you made up an excuse, so rather than do this, you start to believe in the excuse. Or you might use that famous defense mechanism known as "projection" in which you attribute the blame to someone else.” 4.     Self-serving biases. Social psychologists point out that we one set of guidelines to evaluate ourselves and another to evaluate others. In line with the identity explanation, the way we evaluate ourselves is pretty lax. We'll blame the situation, not ourselves, when we make excuses or lie. But catch someone else in a lie- that's a different story. This person is bad, morally defective, and someone we should avoid at all costs if not penalize. This process, known as the "fundamental attribution error" (does this bring back memories of your intro psych class?), is an important one in the excuse-making, lying, and even procrastination literature.” So we know people lie.  How can we detect it?  Most of us have been fibbed to.  We missed it  because we weren’t trained to detect when a person is lying. These are a few tidbits from the class I took with Stan: Stan Walters teaches there are different forms of lying: Omission (withholding the truth) and Embellishment (altering or changing the truth).  Omission is much harder to detect than embellishment.  He says people lie to avoid punishment, perceived reward, or fear of the unknown.  Symptoms of lying are all of the result of internal conflicts or incongruence and appear for the following reasons: 1.     Guilt about lying 2.     Joy of lying (getting away with it) 3.     Fear of being discovered Deceptive behaviors are diagnosed in clusters and NOT individually. There is no single behavior, verbal or non-verbal, that proves truth or deception .  (No, you cannot tell if a person is lying by watching their eyes!)  Clusters of lying behaviors appear two or more at the same time:  verbal-verbal, verbal-nonverbal, or nonverbal-nonverbal. Before you can detect deception, you must have a baseline of the person’s normal behavior.  This establishes a reference point which can be used to notice changes from that baseline. Signs of stress are often misunderstood as signs of lying.  Just because a person shows signs of stress doesn’t mean they are being deceptive  Individuals under stress can exhibit 5 different responses: anger, depression, denial, bargaining, and acceptance.  Forms of stress: general (experienced in uncomfortable situations), incriminating (generated by both truthful and deception people), discriminators (cues that are more likely to pinpoint moments of lying).  Other stress cues include stuttering, stammering, mumbling, pausing, para-linguistic cues, like ‘ah’, ‘uh’s, ‘er’s,’ whew, tsk, groans, moans, whistling, growling, nervous laugh and sighs. Anger, presence or absence of it, does not indicates deception or truthfulness. Verbal cues are usually the easiest to detect.  Body language is the most difficult to interpret and has a higher rate of error. Here are some cues which may indicate deception WHEN DISCUSSING CRITICAL AREAS: 1.     Memory lapses – can’t remember, can’t recall, not sure, no recollection 2.     Denial flag expressions: ‘you aren’t going to believe this’, honestly, really, trust me, believe me, truthfully, seriously, frankly, I couldn’t lie, straight up, off the record, just between us, truthfully speaking, I have no reason to lie, to be 100% honest 3.     Key weighted expressions: by the way, one more thing, incidentally 4.     Modifiers: possibly, rarely, usually, almost sometime, basically, essentially are a few of the modifiers 5.     Guilt phrases: unsolicited remarks by a subject that indicated inner guilt: indicates that everyone is blaming them, admits appearance of guilt. 6.     Blocking statements: “Why would I….?”  “How could anyone in their right mind get involved in something like this?”  are examples. 7.     Simple stalling tactics: ask a question with a question (used a lot by politicians), repeat question verbatim, cough, clear throat, pretends not to understand. 8.     Surgical denial: The deceiver usually denies allegations in specific terms; the truthful deny accusations in general terms. And this list goes on.  REMEMBER, IN AND OF THEMSELVES, THE ABOVE DOESN’T INDICATE DECEPTION. Only when in clusters and compared to a person’s baseline. I’ll have more on this subject later, HONESTLY! Look for the announcement for the class on deception in the newsletter, on my website or email.

It Takes More Than Knowledge to be a Great Teacher

I’ve been teaching NLP and a number of other disciplines for almost 25 years. I’ve taken a lot of classes on various subjects from post masters NLP training to pilates. I’ve watched and experienced superb teachers and abysmal ones. Below is a compilation of what I’ve learned about training expertise and plain old practical knowledge.
The best teachers….

1. Have knowledge of their subject and keep updated in the subject. They take classes in their subject from other experts
2. Teach to the class. This means that the teacher assesses (by asking questions and getting a intuitive feel for the participants) the level of understanding and teaches to that level
3. Watch their students while teaching to get visual and verbal feedback that what they are teaching is being understood.
4. Pace their students to enhance learning after taking in verbal and visual feedback. Too much material or too fast causes anxiety and stress responses in students. Too slow or not enough material causes boredom.
5. Will challenge the students to go beyond where they are now but not so far beyond that it causes the students to become discourage.
6. Knows that skill learning takes place through repetition, practice and understanding 
7. Know that learning is progressive and procedural. When introducing new concepts, reminding students that they already know how to do part of the new process and making certain that there is a step by step procedure will help students gain confidence as they learn 
8. Know that when shifting paradigms, the student cannot learn if they are comparing the new paradigm to something they already know. 
9. Demonstrate their ability to teach in all sensory channels – visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Therefore, the teacher must be open on all sensory channels. 
10. Know that talking over students’ heads to impress them with knowledge fosters discouragement. 
11. Know that pacing students present model of the world will help lead them into expanding that model or changing to a new more empowering model. 
12. Know that acknowledging progress, no matter how little, encourages a student to learn more. 
13. Know to praise the effort being made. This produces mastery of material.
14. Know that there must be a balance between challenge and skill to produce a flow in learning.
15. Knows review is a powerful learning tool if done a week after the introduction to new material. 
16. Have the basic presuppositions: People are learning systems, they are designed to develop and improve, they are designed to communicate and they are hard-wired for success.
17. Demonstrate what they are teaching! Teaching a skill is not imparting data. Students naturally model their teachers. In order to do something with skill, the teacher must be able to behaviorally demonstrate the skill. 
18. Foster a ‘can do’ mind set. 
19. Understands the learning process and if teaching adults, adult learning models.
20. Knows that practice makes perfect only if you practice perfectly. Bad training can lead to bad learning and misunderstanding and stifling of skills 
21. Tells relevant stories to give examples of knowledge taught
22. Is always patient and keep a sense of humor
23. Is more concerned with the quality of material rather than the amount 
24. Is organized and clear about their outcomes for teaching and plans ahead
25. Has more than enough to present
26. Can be creative in developing (on the spot) new material to help with the learning process.
27. Is resourceful and stays in a resourceful state regardless of what happens while teaching. Never gets angry or inappropriately emotional with a student or singles out a student in a derogatory way.
28. Sets boundaries at the beginning of the class and throughout class. Is always in control of the class
29. Maintains rapport with students
30. Never makes a student wrong but lets them discover their own learning
31. Says, “I don’t know”, if they don’t and is ok with it.
32. Loves to hear, “Oh, I’ve never thought of it that way!”
33. Train like they will never master it.
34. Respect their students
35. Are aware of their hand gestures and use them to encourage participation.
36. Follow a procedure and are consistent
37. Love teaching

Here are some guidelines which I wrote for the mentor program at the Dallas Camera Club. These apply to any teaching situation:


• Be Patient and keep a sense of humor.
• Keep instructions positive ('do this' rather than 'don't do this')
• Avoid jargon - or if you can't then explain them and better still provide a written glossary
• Be prepared to adapt the pace according to the performance
• Encourage, and be kind and thoughtful - be accepting of mistakes, and treat them as an opportunity for you both to learn from them
• Focus on accomplishment and progress - recognition is the fuel of development
• Offer praise generously


• Prepare the trainee - take care to relax them as lots of people find learning new things stressful
• Explain the job/task, skill, project, etc - discuss the method and why; explain standards and why; explain necessary tools, equipment or systems
• Provide a demonstration - step-by-step - the more complex, the more steps - people cannot absorb a whole complicated task all in one go - break it down - always show the correct way - accentuate the positive - seek feedback and check understanding
• Have the trainee practice the job - we all learn best by actually doing it - ('I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand' - Confucius)
• Monitor progress - give positive feedback - encourage, coach and adapt according to the pace of development

Guidelines for Students and Mentees:
• Be clear and organized about the help you want before contacting a mentor; be clear about what you want to do or how taking a training or class will improve your life
• Participate in class by asking relevant questions. Avoid taking class time to tell about your experience unless specifically asked. Avoid teaching from your seat.
• Be respectful of others’ time in class room
• Turn phones off and off of the table. Never spend class time while someone is teaching to check phones and other technology not relevant to the class
• Take responsibility for your own learning experience by practicing what you are learning
• Use several teachers/mentors – each may have valuable techniques they can teach you
• realize that if they cannot answer you promptly that they are busy with other concerns
• Know that if a mentor indicates that he/she cannot help you at the moment of your call that it is not personal
• Never address problems with the class in front of the class. Have a personal conversation ‘offline’.

See my Guide to Good Training on my websitehttp://www.nlptrainingconcepts.com/ under RESOURCES