Asking for Help and Other Differentiators that Support Success
I won't go so far as to say that people are winners or losers or successes or failures. This would go against the NLP model that says that People work perfectly to produce the results they are getting and there is failure, only feedback. As a Certified Trainer of NLP, I look at what is working or not working; getting the results wanted or not.
Asking for help:
I had a meeting with a woman the other day who is looking for a coach. In our discourse over the hour she said something to me that caught my attention.
I ask for help early and often.
This woman is a renowned expert in her field with years of experience. In an age when people, especially but not exclusively women, are taught to be independent and stand on their own; that asking for help could be construed as a sign of weakness, I thought this was very telling.
My point: we do not live in a vacuum; we do not learn in a vacuum; we do not succeed in a vacuum. Everyone I know who became an expert, a leader, a president, etc. had the help of other people. The world and universe work in a system as does everything in it, people included.
We are not our behavior, what we do for a living, or what we have.
Here are some other documented things that successful people do than others do not:
Characteristics of a successful person:
By the way, people didn't start at the top and then start doing these things. These are the things they did to become successful.
Focus on solutions – instead to focusing on the problems, which intensify the problems, they set outcomes and work at achieving those instead of solving problems.
Take responsibility – they look at the choices they have and take appropriate action when something doesn't work instead of blaming others or situations, like the ECONOMY, for what is happening to them
Find opportunities in crises – there is a silver lining in every cloud. Often challenging situations gives rise to creative ways of doing things differently
Enjoy being in the present and what it has to offer instead of dwelling in the past. "If only it could be like it was 5 years ago. I'd like to get back to the way it was." OR If I had only taken that job at ABC company, things would be different today." are "whines" of the unsuccessful. In each moment we have available choices that are creating our future. The life you have today was created years ago. If you want something different and better years from now, today you will have to make different choices.
Make commitments and keep them no matter what. Whenever we make changes, those changes can challenge us to go back to the way things were – the pain we know is somehow better than the uncertainty of what we don't know. Making commitments and keeping them come out of our value systems. If we are unable to follow through on one commitment, it generally says we will falter on others. This doesn't foster reliability in people. Make it work, if you committed to it, if you want to be seen as an outstanding business person.
Focus on outcomes and what they can achieve – rather on excuses why they can't do something.
Focus on mastery rather than performance - Attending to doing things right without any failure leads to the imposter syndrome. Performance is key and it better be perfect. If it can't be done perfectly, it won't be tried. This goes back to the fear of failure. The only way to fail is to not do something. Take the time to learn something thoroughly. My trainer taught, "train as if you will never master training."
Make personal development a priority – I've never known a successful person who used money as an excuse not to do something. They think of things in terms of possibility, choice and how (process). If you focus on the possibility of how, it is amazing HOW things come about. Using time and money as an excuse is the hallmark of a person who is struggling and not getting what they want in life. When a successful person wants something, they find a way to do it.
Face fear, accept it and take the leap – qualify: educated leap. Gather information and talk to people who have already done what you want to do. Success leaves clues. Avoid missing any.
Expand your comfort zone – the wider your comfort zone, the more flexibility and choices you have. If all you have is a muddy dirt road to travel on, the more likely you will get stuck.
Respond to new ideas with curiosity. There is always something more to learn – success is built on curiosity. Belief in knowing it all is a dead end road.
Plan and take action – action without a plan is frantic activity; can mimic ADD. Plan without action mimics 'sitting ducks.'
Realize they have a choice in strategies if something isn't working – it is not if something doesn't work, it is when. This separates the 'wheat from the chaff'. Everything changes. We live in systems. Systems are dynamic. Changing with the times doesn't mean you have to have the "latest" technology but you probably need to make some effort to upgrade occasionally. Also, if you only have one choice, you are a robot.
Learn from mistakes and take feedback as a way to adjust the next step to get results– A mistake is a miss take. Do learning in reverse and do a Retake. Being defeated by failure is the hallmark of a perfectionist. Learn to be imperfect. You'll be happier and learn more. Listen to what others are saying who know more than you (not necessarily your parents). If I had listened to my parents, I would have moved home when I lost my first job. They did give me some good suggestions also. When I wanted to quit college, my dad convinced me to stay in school. Good choice.
Persist until something works. If the outcome is achievable then all that remains is to take action and change what you are doing until it happens
Help others – share your knowledge with those who wouldn't ordinarily be exposed to it. There is great benefit from teaching others. It helps you learn at a deeper level.
Hang around people who are like minded and want success also – so many of my former NLP students are returning for 'brush ups.' Being around people who are learning and growing supports us in getting what we want. You speak a common language. With so much hopeless desperation that has infiltrated many people, it is nice to be around people who have an upbeat perspective on life. And it is a perspective. We are all in the same boat. Some of us looking at it as a yacht; some are looking at it as a row boat without a paddle.
By the way, research on optimism and pessimism shows that optimists, even though they may see things a little unrealistically good, are healthier physically and mentally than realists and pessimists.
The successful person is largely differentiated by their WAY OF THINKING! Humm…where have we heard that before? I'm talking about the way we perceive situations. It is all a perception anyway, choose one that makes you happy. Now THAT is a choice!
Life is Good.
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